Perhaps I should clarify that even though I'm widowed and therefore a single applicant, when it comes to adoption I always use the plural due to how totally, absolutely, completely involved my Mom and my three older (biological) children were and are in each and all of the processes.
My daughter and twin sons do for their younger brothers more than any parent may
imagine, expect, ask for, or even dream about. Rather than having to
request their help, quite often I must remind them that they shouldn't
be doing so very must.
My Mom's health is
very poor at this
moment as she was recently diagnosed with CHF (congestive heart
failure). She's not a mother whom I see for Easter,
Christmas, birthdays, and family events, but one to whom I've been near
all my life, one who gave up a brilliant career as a literature
professor and lecturer in order to devote her entire life to me and now
to her grandkids--one who deemed the adoption expenses, first from Haiti
and then from Bulgaria, with two failed adoptions from Russia and
Uzbekistan in between, to be more important than her own mobility and
eyesight. As she had never worked in U.S., Medicare would have charged
her a sizable monthly premium--or she could have paid out of
pocket for cataracts and knee replacement surgeries, but she preferred
to see more grandchildren come home. She preferred to contribute to the
adoption expenses the monies that could have saved her vision and the
use of her legs. Even though almost blind and in a wheelchair, she never
had any regrets. Ironicaly, now that Medicare is available to her, those surgeries are no longer possible because her heart is too
weak.
That's a sacrifice that only a living saint could have made. It's a family where my daughter
and twin sons have vowed that none of their younger siblings will ever end
up in a group home. Several times I tried to tell them that if
something happened to me they didn't need to feel they had to sacrifice
their own dreams and goals for the sake of their younger brothers--and
every single time the three of them looked at me appalled: they would
never turn their backs on any of their siblings. They would never fall in
love with anyone who expected them to do so and didn't arrive to love their brothers as well.
Some
people think of that as too big of a burden for Catherine and the twins.
Yet, that's something that makes them happy, something they want to do. Besides, the steadiness of their commitment makes me be at ease not only for the younger ones, but for my older ones also because if at any point life
vicissitudes were to hit one of them harder than the others, it is for
sure that the one hardest hit will never be alone.
These are my children:
Catherine,
26 (biological). Has a master's and almost a Ph.D., works with children
with special needs--and does have a very special place in her heart for
special kids. She lives at home in order to help.
Gerard and Warren,
biological twin sons, 15. They act more like fathers than older
brothers to their younger brothers. They're starting college in the
fall, but will be commuting from home.
Thomas, 11,
adopted from Haiti and home since mid 2008. Has mild c.p. Thomas is
totally bonded into our family and has a very loving and friendly
disposition. Although his gait is slightly uneven, he can walks, and
runs as fast as the
wind.
Nicholas,
11, adopted from Haiti concurrently with Thomas, but not his twin. Has
mild c.p. Nicholas is also fully bonded and extremely affectionate and
kind. Against all odds, all on his own he learned to walk--only due to
his very strong determination. Has very poor articulation is his speech
is very difficult to understand.
Stephen,
10, adopted from Bulgaria and home since Dec. 2010. Has spina bifida
and uses a wheelchair. Stephen is also completely bonded. Although
dealing with some anger issues, he's affectionate, looks for human
contact, and wouldn't hurt a fly.
All together we're praying for:
Maximilian, 8 (turning 9 next week), still in Bulgaria. Maximilian is very loving
and lovable child who makes strong attachments. Due to c.p. he uses a wheelchair.
Adoption is close to finalization.
We are devout Roman Catholics, and our faith is a pivotal source of strength in everyday life. It is also the reason why we relentlessly support the sanctity of human life, equality, and social justice. It is the reason why since very early childhood I was taught by word and example by my parents and grandparents to see Jesus in the homeless and the hungry, to welcome the immigrant and reach out to anyone in need or distress. On one hand I had a very privileged upbringing and was taught all the etiquette rules. On the other, though, and much more emphatically, was always taught that social sensitivity and social justice should take precedence over socio-economic status and social profile. On one hand I had a very well-rounded education, but on the other, far from having parents who were busy socialites, I had parents and grandparents who were totally, absolutely, completely, unconditionally devoted to me. On one hand I was raised with the strictest family values, but on the other I was taught to be open to people from all walks of life. I was only 15 or 16 when my mom told me that to point at a single mother with an accusatory finger was tantamount to promoting abortion.
My three older children are relentless advocates for the sanctity of human life, for the poor, the disabled, and the immigrant. Since the age of six they have been doing an extraordinary amount of volunteer work. They have been serving the homeless and clearing their trays after meals, sweeping manure from stables where horses are kept for equestrian therapy, selecting usable lumber from demolition debris to be shipped to Tijuana for an orphanage to expand its premises, playing bowling and having Easter egg hunts with the blind, reading to pre-schoolers in a Head-Start program, bagging and boxing edibles for different local food banks, visiting the elderly at two different nursing homes, participating in vigils in front of abortion clinics and Rosary walks for the unborn, and even helping a few times at a couple of animal shelters. Yet, no ostensible volunteer work can be comparable to the much more involved, much more committed, much more selfless one regularly done every single day behind closed doors in the anonymity of the family home for their younger brothers' sake. They do it enthusiastically, happily, cheerfully, with no cameras, no newspaper articles, no entries to add to their resumes. They do it without asking for anything in return. One lady put it in a beautiful and eloquent manner one day when as we were going back to our van after Mass she approached me and congratulated me on how my older children took so much care of my younger ones. Her words said it all, "I saw Jesus right there."
I'm able to prove how the intercession of those beloved ones who were called before us can help us when earthly resources seem to be of no use. In 2008, when the adoptions of Thomas and Nicholas from Haiti were finalized but still their visas needed to be issued, for no given or understandable reason the U.S. Embassy in Port-au-Prince sent their files to another office from where they could take months or even years to return. We were in despair, praying and crying, crying and praying, not knowing what to do. One of those nights I dreamt that someone was knocking at our door. It was my Dad, who had passed away in 1993, holding Thomas and Nicholas--one in each one of his arms. As I opened the door, he told me, "I went to Haiti myself because it was the only way to bring them home to all of you." When I tried to hug my Dad one last time in my dream, he vanished--but in the morning I called the U.S. Consulate in Port-au-Prince. . . and everything was fine!!! Our boys' files were back, and within less than one week their visas had been issued and I was booking the tickets to pick them up. They will never be able to hug their Grandpa on this earth--but it is obvious that they were hugged by him already.
It's time to include a paragraph about me now:
By profession I'm an attorney, but work from home. My passion is far from being law at all, though. I wish I could use my law degree and license to help others, but am afraid I'm not good enough for that. I feel proud to be able to say that more than once, after realizing some errors I had made I voluntarily and spontaneously had the courage and integrity to claim ineffective assistance of counsel against myself many times in order to make sure my clients' interests wouldn't get damaged. I love writing, have an innate talent for it, and feel a strong call for advocacy and public speaking. I self-published the following books:
Etiquette for All
The Wonders of Homeschooling
Poetry to Serve the King Who Came to Serve
Stories to Serve the King Who Came to Serve
Thanks for your interest in this long post.
God bless,
Lillian Godone-Maresca
You are a blessing to your children as they are a blessing to you. May God grant you peace and a smooth completion of your adoptions of Maximilian and Philip
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